NowhereMan’s blog

Several hundred years ago, this country found itself home to a variety of cultures who sought freedom from a government they deemed unsuitable to meet their needs. Several hundred years ago, those same people dreamt of a land of harmonious independence to exist as they sought fit, free from persecution and free of discrimination. 

It's been a really long time since I wrote in this blog, and I think that sometimes it is just a venting tool for me. It's sort of pathetic, yet therapeutic for me to do this. I now have Twitter to vent through status updates, as well as very supportive family and friends, so I guess it's all for the better. 

I've come to realize that this blog is perhaps the greatest asset to my life right now, though I am thrilled with the direction my life is currently going in. I love every aspect of it, and I must say that I cannot ask for anything more. 

Wow, it's been way too long since I've written in this blog, and given the political climate of the past few months, there's a lot to blog about.

So yeah, I'm supporting Barack Obama because I believe the change he can deliver is actually change for the better, and not "change" that John McCain has experience in not doing anything about. If I may write frankly, which I always do on this blog, I simply do not think it matters much that John McCain has been in the cogs of the political machine for the past 30-something years. Clearly that political machine has only produced shit up to this point, so it will be refreshing to have someone new come give the machine a tune-up. Also, Barack Obama has the foresight to choose a solid running mate in Joe Biden, who can only prove to be an asset at this junction. As for John McCain...

So here's my rant on Sarah Palin. Yes, she has a great back story. Yes, she is the mother of a child with Downs Syndrome (and children with special needs are always in my heart, being a special education teacher). However, this does not mean that she is completely without faults. I personally feel that if she wants to be part of this political game and be the vice-president, she has to make herself available to public scrutiny. If she's not up to snuff at this point, with the election less than one month away, then I'm sorry but this person is not up to the job. As Rudy Guiliani said, the presidency is no place for "on the job training," and I'm pretty sure the same applies for the vice-presidency. At least Barack Obama has proven he can stand up the media as well as politicians and the American people. Sarah Palin, on the other hand...

What really gets me is that she somehow thinks that just because people are able to see Russia (the U.S.S.R. Reloaded?) from Alaska that she has foreign policy experience. I speak to the mostly Latino grounds keepers around my neighborhood and I know some Spanish - does this mean that I have foreign policy experience? I didn't think so.

I also am sick and tired of the evangelical influence over the Republican party. Yes, they should and do have the right to have their say in things, but I honestly don't see much of a difference between a neo-conservative member of the Religious Right and a member of Al Qaeda. Both will and have killed those people who stand in their way of their fundamental doctrine (Al Qaeda the connection is obvious, but think about all the hate crimes committed by members of the Religious Right on homosexuals, as well as the bombings of abortion clinics). If you want to know how I feel about religion, consult my previous blogs because I really can't rant anymore about it. Or can I...

Recently I picked up this book called Jesus for the Non-Religious, and it's actually pretty good. It talks about how many of the stories in the New Testament borrowed elements of the Old Testament so as to build connections between the old Hebrew traditions and Jesus. However, if you shy away from looking at the Bible as a literal history, you can see the true message that the writers were getting at. The author's main message so far seems to be that you can still be a Christian, not read the Bible literally, see the Bible as a book of lessons, and see the stories about Jesus as an exagerrated game of telephone through the centuries. So far, I must say that I can agree with him. Let's see how far I get.

Besides reading, lately I've also been trying (and not succeeding) at taking pictures on my camera almost every day. My goal is to take at least ten pictures a day of things I see. It's not at all an original idea, and was actually stolen by the person who led me to this blogging website, but I've adopted it nonetheless and feel it will help me to see the beauty that is the world. It's a work in progress. Let's see how it develops. No pun intended.

Other than what I've ranted about, I think that this is the close of my blog for now. I hope to be able to write more in the coming weeks, especially given that the election is less than a month away.

I don't really know how to start these things off anymore - I guess that's part of my writing style. Call it a pitfall, call it a quirk - that's just me. Usually I'll make it a point to get some sort of writing done on here, then I get caught up with conversations on banal matters on AIM, which eventually renders me completely blocked on my writing ability.

Sometimes I feel as if there are a million different perceptions of "me" out there, and I don't know who's to blame for it. One person can see me as the peace-loving hippie, while another person could see me as the serious-minded sales clerk at a retail store, and the funny thing is that both versions would be correct. Whether I change myself depending on the crowd I'm in and who I "want to present myself as," or I am actually being who I truly am is the real question. I tend to use what I deem "social chameleonism" at times, and I don't know if that's a bad thing. The collective "we" use it all the time - on job interviews, when trying to impress our significant other's parents, etc. etc. I'm certainly not the only person who does it. The problem is now - how do I get to find out who I truly am. I guess that's what people call "growing up," and lately I've realized that I need to get my shit together to finally do my part in growing up.

I'm trying my best to give back to the world that I'm part of, and I'm planning on going into the Peace Corps. They do great work at helping parts of what some people call "the Third World." I don't know what the "Second World" is, but it sounds a bit too Tolkien-esque for my tastes. Regardless, as I see it, we're all in the "First World" together and we should do out part to make it right for everyone. Enough of all these stereotypes and using the collective "them" to denote a particular group of people. There's only I and we in my mind, and it doesn't matter what gender, race, sexual orientation, nationality or any other societal label people give you - in my eyes, we're all human and God help any Neanderthal we come into contact with. It's part of the reason why I respect all cultures: because I like to think of myself as multi-cultural. Blood doesn't matter at all. Just because I'm Irish and French Canadian by blood doesn't mean I can't consider myself Italian (like my mother and the rest of my family do since she was adopted) or anything else. Maybe in a past life (if there are such a thing) I was a person of many cultures. Or a cultural revolutionary. Or a wino on the streets of Paris. Regardless, I am who I am (or the person I project myself as for the time being).

I've been reading Abbie Hoffman's autobiography, "Soon to be a Major Motion Picture," and he makes some great points. He was a cultural icon and revolutionary who saw what was wrong and tried to fix it. Not that I'd model my own tactics to his, but I still admire his firm resolve in what he believed in. However, I'll agree with my father on this one and say that he should have stayed underground. Once he came back into mainstream society, he couldn't exist anymore. The society he helped to create and give creedence to no longer needed him. Activists from the '60s no longer needed their icons to lead them places - they took their countercultural ideals to the mainstream. After that, they killed their heroes by forgetting them and not caring about them anymore. And that's why Abbie Hoffman was doomed before he committed suicide. I still admire his ideals though, I just think it's tragic that he (pardon the phrase) was used like Kleenex - to quote Mrs. White from the movie "Clue," "Soft, strong, and disposable."

So here is where I leave you all, whoever reads this as a testament to whatever legacy I do lead. For better or worse I'll be writing again soon. But here's a word to the wise from the Diggers yet again - Be your own hero. Don't let other's trample on your vision.

And most importantly,

Be true to yourself always.

Even though I never am.

Wow, it's been a long time since I last wrote in this thing, but not much has changed in my life, or in the world for that matter. I'm still working retail while trying to find something else, but eh such is life. We're never satisfied, as Bob Dylan put it, "with your position and your place," so we constantly search for something else. It's exactly why immigrants look back at their home country with an air of nostalgia, even if they escaped for financial opportunity, and why open-minded Americans are always longing to find another country, and often just lump all countries together and call it "Europe." I don't even know what country I'd escape to. Maybe Canada, even though that's cliche. Who knows though. Political climates can change with the breeze of revolution, and no country can escape that fate.

I've been going back to my writing these days, and I juggle around so many different ideas of stories I want to write that I usually end up writing/researching one idea, abandoning it, and then finding out a different one a few days later. It's an annoying cycle, but it makes me think that I need to get all these ideas out for stories because I don't want to forget one in case it's the one. Currently I'm working on this theme that's loosely based on my own life with my other guy friends and roommates, but it could be complete shit. And if it is complete shit, believe me I'll be the first to burn the book, along with crowds of others.

Lately I've been realizing how difficult it is for people say how they love each other. It honestly isn't that hard, yet I've only ever heard people talk of love if with their better (or in some cases worse) half. You also hear it in families, but I mean when do people seriously say that they love their friends? I'm not saying you have to go up to every person you know and tell them that you love them, but it's just absolute bullshit that people can be afraid to show any sort of emotion to each other. Let your guard down and be human - and then the real relationship can begin. And besides, I love everyone regardless, and like Mando Diao sings, "You Can't Steal My Love."

These days I'm basing my role models on three men: John Lennon, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Albus Dumbledore. Yeah, one of them's fictional, but he wouldn't be the first character from a book that people have based their lives on. Just think about it...yep, now you see that that was a religious joke. I'm not anti-religion, I just think that people have to have an open-mind about things and admit their own ignorance (in the sense that we really don't know) on whether or not there is anything more than us. I've already exhausted enough about this in other blogs, so I'm not expelling more energy to it unless it becomes an issue. And even then, I'll stand by that I think I'm right. But I'll admit my ignorance on the subject.

Yeah. This is it. This is life, the one you get, so have a ball. It's a rollercoaster when we want it to be and it's a cake-walk when we're honest to ourselves and don't let other people's visions of us distort who we are. I'll be who I want to be, and that's that. If you have a problem with it, then that's your issue - I am who I am. It's how the Spirit in the Sky (thanks Norman Greenbaum) made me.

That's it for me. I could go on for hours on my purging of ideas, but it's tiring and I'm off tomorrow, which means I have much better things to do with my time. Oh, and if you do read this, feel free and subscribe to the blog. It's nice to know sometimes that people read it, even though these ramblings are hugely personal.

Hope for the future? Maybe not. But tomorrow's a new day and who knows what it will bring.

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Wow, I have not written in quite a while on this thing. Whoever actually reads this has probably been sitting in a dark room somewhere waiting for me to come back to this. Luckily for them, and even for the the people who don't read this, I'm back from a slight retirement.

I haven't really been up to much, kind of just looking for a job. I did have an interview and an offer, but I cannot sell things on the street anymore. I've tried it, and it's just not my style. Currently, I'm leaning toward Peace Corps, writer, or just anything until I figure out what direction I have in life.

Let's see what my interests are:

peace, books, history, the Beatles, politics, languages, music, the '60s, large cats, American Eagle, ending the War in Iraq...

Oh, and I'm currently rooting for Barack Obama. My only worry is that no one is paying attention to the Republicans, and then the Rove machine will start up again. Also, though I want to see an African American or a woman as President, I don't know how the rest of America feels just yet. I mean, it's only been a couple of months since the Jena 5 incident. However, as I talk to some other people, I guess it would give the U.S. some credibility points in the rest of the world, since we kind of lost all those with Iraq.

Regardless of the political atmosphere of the U.S. currently though (which I honestly haven't been paying attention to b/c of the job search), I feel that it is all of our responsibility to help the less fortunate. I think my blog exudes that to the fullest extent, and if it doesn't, well then I haven't been doing my job.

So my friend had a dream the other day that I had died, which surprised me and made me think twice about driving anywhere for the consecutive days afterward. I know this sounds crazy, but I have felt in the past that I could die at any moment, hence the fear once my friend called me. However, he said according to dream studies (a pseudoscience, I know) that his dream means that I will live a long life. Who knows what will happen to me, but I've given a lot of thought about death lately. I've realized I am going to live life to the fullest from this day forward, that I am definitely donating my organs when I die, and that I want a substantial portion of whatever I have to be donated to the needy. I know I should take care of my own first, but the needy don't have anyone else, so why shouldn't I help them out.

Wow. Complete ramble of utterances here. I think I'm gonna get started on that novel I've been meaning to write.

Oh yeah, and peace and love are great. Ciao!   

So this is it; I'm done with college for the rest of my life...or until I realize I may need a Master's to get anywhere in this world.

I was finished with college on Thursday, but I decided to hang out at school until Friday, since I was in no rush to leave, and I had the time of my life hanging out with friends that I thought I'd never see again. Reason tells me though that I will see them again, and that this isn't the end of anything but rather the beginning of my ultimate freedom to do what I choose with my life. College may've been about doing what was safe or just half-assing papers because I had a deadline, but now I run on my own schedule and can pick the right path for me.

Lately I've been thinking about the Peace Corps and what it has to offer. It's pretty much all I'm about - helping people in third world countries where the need is dyer, and through peaceful methods instead of using "good 'ol" American muscle to get what we want. People is this country all too often take for granted what they have and the luxuries they have (clean drinking water being one of them), so I think I've decided that I want to help out others since I have the opportunity and the means to do so. We're all humans, so why not help each other get out of the ruts of life.

I'm not going to start working till after my birthday, since I feel I do need a break from everything and just need peace and solace in my life. This semester was so rushed, so now I'm having an awesome time just lounging around, catching up on my reading (currently reading Kurt Vonnegut's Player Piano, which is so far very good), and listening to music. Oh, and I've been unpacking my college life from boxes, which is much less depressing than I thought.

On Thursday, the day before I left college, I drove to Gettysburg and just sat at Little Round Top, which overlooks the so-called "Valley of Death," where hundreds if not thousands of Confederates and Union troops were killed side by side for a variety of reasons. The weather was pretty chilly, slightly windy, there wasn't any sun, but I could still see a bit through the fog. It was perhaps the greatest feeling in my life just being there, alone, standing on a rock listening to nature. No one was walking around as they usually do at Gettysburg, and the only sound I heard was the occassional wind blowing through the trees, air, and flocks of Canadian Geese flapping their wings overhead. I know this sounds so weird, but I thought to myself, "So this is what it must've been like before human intervention." Granted I could see lights in the distance, but I felt so at peace just standing on that rock, overlooking a gloomy valley, and just hearing nature, without the blaring cars or sounds that people make on a daily basis. It kind of made me think of the premise behind I Am Legend, except it was a good thing (I've heard the movie was bad), and I was extremely pleased with myself to have ever experienced that type of elation and peace of mind that I felt on that hillside. I've never had such a feeling ever in my life.

For now, I go unpack more of my life from boxes, but I hope that I will constantly update this as I am home now and don't have that many things standing in my way from this blog.

This picture is of Val D'Orcia in Southern Tuscany, and it was home to Iris Origo, an incredibly strong woman who gave aid to American and Italian troops against the Nazis in WWII. Though it's not the scene I displayed of Gettysburg, it is similar - signs of non-human intervention in the world.

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I'm graduating from college in 3 weeks and I honestly have no idea where my life is headed. How can anyone know at 21 or 22 what they want to do with "the rest of their life?" Honestly.

It also makes me sick to my stomach to hear people asking me what I'm going to do with my degree. Yes, I'll have my Bachelor's in History (minoring in Spanish), but I'll be doing the same thing that anyone does these days with any sort of degree - finding a job. Just because you have a degree in business doesn't mean you have the skills or where-withall to know how to run a business. You need to be trained in a particular skill during college in order to succeed in the "real world" (a metaphor for when we leave college, though I sometimes think that all of life is an illusion, and those who decide to challenge/question it are living in the "real world"). A degree in basketweaving is just as valid as a degree in sociology or business in my opinion. I mean, what skills do you posess that set you apart from anyone else with just a degree - none. Hence why people should be trained in a specific skill or passion that they love, otherwise you'll have a bunch of people in the workforce that can't do anything but write a pretty good half-assed and bullshit research paper. I put myself in that category as well.

Whatever I decide to do, and wherever life leads me, at least I know I have to stay true to myself the whole time. I can't stand all these bullshit people who talk about how to make money. What the fuck is money anyway? Why not live in the moment (but not foolishly) and enjoy the time you have. We could all die tomorrow, so why not live for today? I'm not advocating a free-for-all or spending all your money - you have to think of the future in some respect, but why not live out your dreams. Like the Diggers used to say in the '60s: Don't find a hero, be your own hero. Live your life the way you want to, and as long as it doesn't involve harming other people or animals (vegetarianism showing an influence here) go for it. You have nothing to lose but your own fucking pride, and what is pride anyway? Something that you have or don't and feel you can measure yourself with. Just another societal constraint that needs to be removed. It's not good to bring down others, but you shouldn't have to worry about what other people think/are going to think of you. Let them judge - it's not their right to judge you anyway.

I'm sick and tired of people saying that they're situation in life is so fucked up and they can't do anything about it. YES YOU CAN! Just fuckin' wake up for your nightmare, dust yourself off, and keep going. You can do ANYTHING. Don't let anyone tell you you can't. Granted, if you're wheel-chair bound and you want to climb Mount Everest it may be highly unlikely, but you can always try. Why not - what do you have to lose? Love the life you lead and never look back. Say sorry to anyone you have wronged, and move on. Don't dwell in the past - only look at what is immediately in front of you. Wow - that sounded like something you'd read on a greeting card, but whatever. They are maxims to my thought process and I need to get them out.

I've found in being home for the past couple of days that though I like being home and seeing my friends, it reminds me how much I'm going to miss college and the people I've had great memories with there. I know I will miss all of them so much and I will try to visit whenever I can, but I know realistically that that is not possible. And it always seems that right as I'm at the end of something, everything seems to be going so well or I meet someone for the first time. Happened in high school, happened after studying in Italy, and it's happening now. I don't know where I'm going, but I hope I will find as great of friends as I have in college now in the future. Alright, enough bitching about graduating. I have 3 weeks left and I'm going to make the best of it. I'm already having two parties (Christmas and 60s themed farewell party), a hockey game, another party, the Christmas Dance, three presentations and two finals ahead of me. Now is crunch time, but now is when the party comes to a climax before it ends. I'm excited for it, and perhaps that's why I can't wait to go back to school on Sunday.

I haven't written in this thing in such a long time, and I'm always glad I do write here because it helps me clear my head. It's like taking a walk, talking to an old friend, or going for a jog in a way. I always enter with a problem, and leave feeling somewhat self-satisfied that I think I've solved another problem of the world or of my life. Who knows - maybe I have. Most likely I haven't though, and I'm fine with that. The photo on the bottom symbolizes my life right now: I have a long road ahead of me, and I don't know what lies ahead, but I will go on the road and make the best of it. 

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I've come to realize lately that I worry too much about things in my life. I know there is a normal amount of worrying that happens on a daily basis with everyone's lives, but I think my life would be oh-so-much better if I just cut out about 75% of the worrying. It's a lot healthier.

I've also realized that whenever I'm home I don't do much about exercising. I'm only gonna be home until tomorrow really, then I'm off to Miami. Tonight I think I'll just go for one of the walks I loved taking during the summer when I needed to calm down. I always found those so refreshing anyway, and walking 4 miles a day isn't so bad.

Whenever I come home, I also realize that whereas I have changed and accept other people's changes, I don't think too many people at home are too comfortable with change and that's where half of the fights I have to deal with at home stem from. People just have to realize that life demands change and we can't remain the people we were in high school forever. I've embraced that whole line of thinking from day one of college as a matter of fact.

I guess my biggest concern these days is which direction I want my life to go. I'm done with college in December, and I have absolutely no idea what I will do after that - it's just starting to hit me now. I guess we'll see where life takes me and I'll figure it out from there. I have no problem coasting through life these days - it's been my method of survival from birth, and I think I've turned out just fine.

Oh yeah, and peace and love are the ways to eternal solace. You can quote me on that one.

Instead of my normal song at the end of the post, here's a pic I took in Liverpool. I really like it, and the lone man in the street pretty much sums up how I feel most, neigh all, of the time.

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