Can't Find My Way Home...

I'm graduating from college in 3 weeks and I honestly have no idea where my life is headed. How can anyone know at 21 or 22 what they want to do with "the rest of their life?" Honestly.

It also makes me sick to my stomach to hear people asking me what I'm going to do with my degree. Yes, I'll have my Bachelor's in History (minoring in Spanish), but I'll be doing the same thing that anyone does these days with any sort of degree - finding a job. Just because you have a degree in business doesn't mean you have the skills or where-withall to know how to run a business. You need to be trained in a particular skill during college in order to succeed in the "real world" (a metaphor for when we leave college, though I sometimes think that all of life is an illusion, and those who decide to challenge/question it are living in the "real world"). A degree in basketweaving is just as valid as a degree in sociology or business in my opinion. I mean, what skills do you posess that set you apart from anyone else with just a degree - none. Hence why people should be trained in a specific skill or passion that they love, otherwise you'll have a bunch of people in the workforce that can't do anything but write a pretty good half-assed and bullshit research paper. I put myself in that category as well.

Whatever I decide to do, and wherever life leads me, at least I know I have to stay true to myself the whole time. I can't stand all these bullshit people who talk about how to make money. What the fuck is money anyway? Why not live in the moment (but not foolishly) and enjoy the time you have. We could all die tomorrow, so why not live for today? I'm not advocating a free-for-all or spending all your money - you have to think of the future in some respect, but why not live out your dreams. Like the Diggers used to say in the '60s: Don't find a hero, be your own hero. Live your life the way you want to, and as long as it doesn't involve harming other people or animals (vegetarianism showing an influence here) go for it. You have nothing to lose but your own fucking pride, and what is pride anyway? Something that you have or don't and feel you can measure yourself with. Just another societal constraint that needs to be removed. It's not good to bring down others, but you shouldn't have to worry about what other people think/are going to think of you. Let them judge - it's not their right to judge you anyway.

I'm sick and tired of people saying that they're situation in life is so fucked up and they can't do anything about it. YES YOU CAN! Just fuckin' wake up for your nightmare, dust yourself off, and keep going. You can do ANYTHING. Don't let anyone tell you you can't. Granted, if you're wheel-chair bound and you want to climb Mount Everest it may be highly unlikely, but you can always try. Why not - what do you have to lose? Love the life you lead and never look back. Say sorry to anyone you have wronged, and move on. Don't dwell in the past - only look at what is immediately in front of you. Wow - that sounded like something you'd read on a greeting card, but whatever. They are maxims to my thought process and I need to get them out.

I've found in being home for the past couple of days that though I like being home and seeing my friends, it reminds me how much I'm going to miss college and the people I've had great memories with there. I know I will miss all of them so much and I will try to visit whenever I can, but I know realistically that that is not possible. And it always seems that right as I'm at the end of something, everything seems to be going so well or I meet someone for the first time. Happened in high school, happened after studying in Italy, and it's happening now. I don't know where I'm going, but I hope I will find as great of friends as I have in college now in the future. Alright, enough bitching about graduating. I have 3 weeks left and I'm going to make the best of it. I'm already having two parties (Christmas and 60s themed farewell party), a hockey game, another party, the Christmas Dance, three presentations and two finals ahead of me. Now is crunch time, but now is when the party comes to a climax before it ends. I'm excited for it, and perhaps that's why I can't wait to go back to school on Sunday.

I haven't written in this thing in such a long time, and I'm always glad I do write here because it helps me clear my head. It's like taking a walk, talking to an old friend, or going for a jog in a way. I always enter with a problem, and leave feeling somewhat self-satisfied that I think I've solved another problem of the world or of my life. Who knows - maybe I have. Most likely I haven't though, and I'm fine with that. The photo on the bottom symbolizes my life right now: I have a long road ahead of me, and I don't know what lies ahead, but I will go on the road and make the best of it. 

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